What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 06:37
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
What’s the saddest thing you’ve seen at your job?
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?
Ive learnt so much.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Who is Meghan Markle and why is she so controversial on the Internet?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So whats the point in blame.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
How often do you watch the news on TV?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do some men like older women?
I said to her
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
When she asked me how she looked .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We all went to grammer schools
I think the readers, may guess!
I was scared of men, in general
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
This is soul school!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One cannot live in the past .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She wouldn,t have been !
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
All the time i was locked up.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I don,t even have a pension.
But it wasn’t much.
Comes on , in middle age.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im still living with it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What did i know ?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Was to survive, this bastard.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Would this be the day?
She loved him until the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was seconnd youngest,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I will be 64.
I was 9 years of age.
I have no regrets .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
It was going to be , some day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My life is so biszare .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She married twice! .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was very sick at this time too.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was in good health!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Who then, do I blame.?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..